![]() Man alive last week was rather mental.com, some of it good, some of it great and some of it downright bloody ugly. At least I find myself still alive in the midst of it all, with a dash of impending doom thrown in for good measure. Firstly I need to mention that the fling I had with the dentist has come to a miserable end. Dont they bloody well all? All my doing I mite add as the dude wishes to be eternally single and thats just not what Im looking for. Dont get me wrong, I know the dude liked me, I know he liked hanging out with me, but I am not a gal that lets a guy have his cake and eat it. Nope, thats not the way I roll. So I called it a day. No more MSNing during the day, no more hanging out during the night, no more fun and frolicks and no more laughter. What I have replaced this with is plenty of impending doom, stupidity, alcohol, friends, more impending doom and yes, more bloody alcohol. Go me? Stupid me more like it. Thinking back, my 'need for a boyfriend' is becoming rather ridiculous. I really liked hanging with the dentist dude and kinda miss it, but I am no fool and my pride wont have me taken for a ride... Anyhow, I have been up to so much more that I really shouldn't dwell on my newly found labyrinth of impending doom. Alas, I probably will... The weekend has been seriously odd. A friend decided to come visit for the weekend, so Friday started out with mucho drinko. As I had a half day planned in, a beer seemed like the best bet to kick start the festivities. I took my pal to a cheap bar on the beach front where we managed to chat for ages, get a little intoxicated, and then head down to Joanne the Mingers Slavers boat. If you have forgotten what a slaver is, it happens to be a boyfriend of a minger. When we got there we found the gang in an intoxication of their own. They had been out on a family jolly for the day that involved also mucho drinko. We got in on the action for a while before we managed to fall out with just about everyone. Normal... Still in my shorts and minging t.shirt that was covered in beer, we hit bar street. I had not a scrap of make up on but I doubt anyone would have noticed that as the beer all over me made it look like I had wet myself anyway... Not a proud moment for me let me tell you. Usually I am a gal that will not leave the house without the hair, lashes, clothes and make up all in total perfection. But when beer happens, the judgment gets clouded and I strutted down bar street thinking that I looked exactly like Claudia Schiffer. More like Joan Rivers but with out the make up, when she first wakes up. Yes, the photos show that it was not a pretty sight. Oh bollox, it's not as if I do it often. After doing my usual disappearing act from some random club and wandering around for 2 hours in a bit of a daze, a friend was driving past and made me get in the car and he dropped me off home. Funnily enough, on the way home, we also found my buddy wandering around, so we picked him up on the way too. GoodnightVienna.com Saturday was horrendous. I felt as if I my stomach was trying to escape through my eye balls. I couldt eat, drink water, think or keep my eyes open for any length of time. I took my bud into town for some food. Big mistake. I took a bit of mine thinking that the pain I was suffering was possibly hunger, however it wasnt. The one bite had me running to the toilet every 10 mins to throw up. Better out than in I guess? Then came the cold/hot white sweats, the dizziness, the severe head and stomach trauma and finally the need to go home and lye down for the rest of eternity. We finally figured out why I was so sodding rough. I had drank some dodgy vodka on bar street. I have been warned before about fake vodka and to only ever drink beer from a bottle when going to bar street, but I had forgotten this advise. I was not able to chill for the evening though as it was my Kelsey the Minglets engagement party. I couldnt wash my hair or even put my face on properly, however I made it out of the house in record timing, vowing not to drink. When I arrived and was asked what I would like to drink, before I could stop myself, a beer had been ordered and put down in front of me. Oh what a bloody good move Louise... And when more of my friends started arriving, there was sodding Vodka's laid down in front of me. I am nothing more than a pig and I know it. Kelsey the minglet look amazing as did Mehmet, the party was buzzing and all of my friends where in the same place. I had no intention of hitting bar street at the end of the party, but you guessed it, I did. At least I had make up on this time... Sunday wasnt as bad as the sheer hell of Saturday. I even managed to get out of my pit, go to Dominoes, hit the beach for an hour before heading to the DVD shop, then home to have a marathon of a DVD session with my buddy. I feel a bit bad as I really should have showed him more of Marmaris, but hangovers say no when it comes to doing the tourist thing Im afraid. Monday brought with it a load of work to catch up on and my pal heading back to Istanbul. I thought I was in for a quiet night, however Joanne the Minger reminded me that her family were leaving the day after and that we were all going to the marina for dinner and drinks. It was a good night, and due to me actually eating dinner whilst consuming beer, I did not get drunk. How odd? I still managed to be late getting home as we nonced on over to the Slavers boat for a few more drinks. Isnt that always the way? Today brings us up to Tuesday and my first proper night in alone, hence the blogging. I still feel filled with impending doom and I can only put this down to me dumping the dentist. Should I have waited longer? Should I have waited at least another 2 weeks to see how it went? Answers on a postcard please!
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![]() Well folks, its the start of a new week, but firstly I need to round up the last one before being fully able to indulge in this one... It would be a fair assumption if you guessed I had a few drinks last week. I just cant seem to help the need to go out and party. I guess that will happen when I reach 32 right? Monday night of last week consisted of having the Dentist come round. Yes, I started the week as I meant to go: on by drinking beer. We had a good night with loads of laughs, but when morning came it took me by surprise just how many beers we had got through when taking out the rubbish... Tuesday didnt agree with me much. My mind was telling me to crack on with work, but my body just wanted to indulge in much needed sleep. Why is it that when I see that dentist, I can never crawl into bed before 5am? Dam the lack of night time hours! Wednesday was a funny sort of day. Not funny ha ha, but funny as in odd funny. I took myself off down into town with Joanne the Minger and Kelsey the Minglet to check out the Estate Agents, as yes, I need to move again... I frikkin hate moving and everything about it. I like checking out apartments, but here in Marmaris, all they do is show you shit. The estate agents do not listen to a dam word you say and show you something way over your budget that makes you fall in love with it, or a great big pile of stinking crap. Dont get me wrong here, I love where I am living now, but I want to be a bit closer into town as I seem to live the furthest out of all my friends and no one comes to visit me unless they have transport, which happens to be next to no one here in Marmaris... Anyhow, visiting estate agents is a pain in the arse, so we only managed to get round 3 out of the 10,000 here. It doesnt help that I am super picky not just for myself, but for my bloody spoilt dog Gucci. Even though he is only a small piglet, he needs a large balcony to play on with his toys, or he wants a garden with trees, etc. And here, they really do not like dogs that live in the house. Plus, the time that I need to get out of here is the time that I will actually be in Spain on my jolly's... Yes folks, I sodding hate house hunting. I did manage to get my head down and do some writing for a friends blog in the States. We have come to a bit of an agreement: He gives me a topic that I guest write for his blog and I give him a topic to guest write for mine. Good agreement eh?! Thursday was as random as they come. After I finished work I headed down to Joanne the mingers as Uncle John was arriving. Not my Uncle John off course as I dont have one, Joanne's Uncle John. He was here earlier on in the season and god he likes a good drink. I really should have thought ahead and planned my outfit better rather than just a slavery t.shirt and a pair of shorts. I should have known that at 5pm we would have been drinking beer and by 5.30pm, onto the Vodka's... Alas, I didnt think ahead, and I was the only out of place person in Marmaris at 10pm in a restaurant looking like a tramp that had just been skipping. Thankfully, by this time, I didnt actually care. I ended up at home at the half decent hour of 11pm. As I had not had my fill, I stopped by the shop purchasing a couple of beers and decided to drink them whilst singing at the top of my voice to 80s tunes on VH1, all alone like some sort of saddo. I dont think the neighbors appreciated my vocal talents as they rudely came and knocked on the door telling me to shut the hell up. Rude As! Nothing else for it but to have a little chat with my Nan who had passed away last year. I am not simple or anything as I was not just talking into thin air or anything of the sort. Nope, my Nan lives in an Elephant that she bought in South Africa when visiting my parents that used to live there some time ago. And I know she lives in the Elephant as she likes to play little tricks on me while trying to freak me out. I guess it did freak me out at first when she used to turn and face a different direction or be sitting in the middle of my coffee table when she actually lives above the fire place. But now, it doesnt freak me out at all, I thinks its great that she likes to say hi. So yes, me and my Nan were sitting watching a bit of VH1 (after being told to shut up) and having a good old confab at the same time. It is fair to say that she squared me up. Good old Nan eh...! I went to bed around 2am feeling a bit drunk but super clear about what needs to be done in life, and that meant going to bed instead of facebook stalking. Friday was a rather normal day. Not much else but work and chatting online with the dentist. I did not go out and shake my asse on the dance floor, nor did I drink, so I feel that the rest I needed was given and granted ready for Saturday and its rather not so normalness. I had every intention to clean the house on Saturday after the benders from Eastenders had been on, but clearly that didnt happen. Instead, I went down to visit Joanne the mingers family as more had shown up. They all had raging hangovers by the pool, but not me... No, for once I was not in a cloudy state of affairs and fancied a beer. So thats just what I did. And it gave me the taste for more. I didnt stay at the hotel too long though dwelling on the prospect of having more beer, I got myself home to get ready for hitting the town. The dentist took me to see his friends play in a gig on the beach front, then we hit bar street. It is fair to say that after a few beers, a few vodka's and then a few more beer's, I was a little bit tipsy. [understatement.com] We then piled back to the dentist's friends pad where more drinking was done. And when it was time to go home, we could not find the key. After about 20 mins of looking for it, it suddenly appeared in my hand. Odd how for that to happen when I REALLY did not know that it was there... Sunday was one of those cool, chilled out relaxing days spent on the sofa watching DVDs. I have nothing more to say other than I liked it. And slowly but surely, we are brought back to bloody Monday. Usually a day I despise, but its not been too bad, well, not yet anyway. I have some old friends staying in Icmeler at the moment, so after work I went along to have a much needed catch up session with them, did some shopping and then got myself back to where I am the most comfortable. On the sofa with the dog. The impending doom has not hit for a while which I find uncomfortably unsettling. Where is it, when is it coming back, do I want it back, is that where all the inspiration comes from? As much as I dislike the impending doom, I dont wish it to take away any of the deep in me. Well there poses a question: Do I even exist without my impending doom? Food for thought... Anyway, its nearly a week since I visited those sodding estate agents and I have not been called back yet by one of them wishing to show me some crap, nor do I have any further inclination to go to more estate agents. I also have not managed to clean the sodding house. Ohdeargod.com I guess it can all wait until tomorrow. But tomorrow never comes right? Hey guys, just to let you know that I will occasionally be guest writing for a blog in America. You can see the first post by clicking here.
I have also introduced a guest writers area for this blog on the left hand side. If you would like to guest write here, please just let me know! Happy Reading and Writing! Louise xoxo ![]() I know it has been a while since I have written to you Universe, but I just wanted to check in and say hi, how's it going? There is off course an ulterior motive for me writing and that is because I think you misunderstood what I asked for the last time. Possibly my fault as I should have been more specific, so this time I am definitely going to get it right so there is no more mishaps in what you deliver. I asked for Mr.Right. What was delivered to me was a crap load of Mr.Wrongs. Just because you sent me many of them does not make them the equivalent of just one Mr.Right now does it? I appreciate your efforts on this, really I do, but lets get the specifics right this time dear Universe. Here is what I actually want if its not too much trouble: A man that speaks English, understands English and understands the British mentality. Men that are gifted in other areas are just not up to scratch when they think asking for a key after 1 week of dating is normal. A man that is in my age group that is also mature enough to understand that sex + money do not = Love. I am sick of being promised 'a good time' in return for a pizza, etc. I can give myself one of those with less mess and generally a better outcome too. An attractive man that only has eyes for me. I am bored to death of men that have wondering penile glands. I believe that I am enough for Mr.Right so from this point onwards, I do not wish to have Russian hangers on lurking in the background. A man that makes his own money and likes to treat me to nights out. Being hidden away from the world has never been my cup of tea. I may be a minger by nature but I seriously doubt that I am that vile that I need to be locked in a dungeon with the trap door only opening when a man wishes to see me. A man that has his own transport that would like to fetch and carry me for a change. I dont mind picking up Mr.Right occasionally, but being called at 4am demanding to be picked up and taken to the next town is a bit much. An adventurous man that calls me up out of the blue and declares that he is taking me away somewhere for the weekend. I no longer desire to be asked for bus ticket money so a bloke can piss off back to where he came from for the winter. A man that can make me laugh. A deep thinker that never smiles, demands that I change clothes as my top is too low or my skirt is too short has never actually put a smile on my face to date. A man that likes dogs. Gucci has been the longest 'man' with me and he is never getting traded in or being made to live outside, as much as they have tried previously. Seriously, Gucci is higher up on the scale. A man that will stand up to me. I cant stand someone that I can walk all over and get my own way with all of the time. I hate feeling that I have bigger balls than a bloke. A man that likes to do something for himself. Sometimes it is actually OK to say no to a cup of tea, get off your arse and make it your dam self. A man that can keep up with me. From shots to life ambitions, I dont always have to be the one driving us forward on our quest to rule the world. Come up with your own ideas for god's sake. A man that can put an outfit together. In this day and age there is absolutely no need for a man of 28 to still have his mother choose and buy his clothes for him. A man that doesnt think he knows it all. I realize that this one may be a tough ask, but all I really want is someone that doesnt think they know better than an actual Brit when talking about Great Britain. The countries in the UK are not states after all and arguing about it only angers me even further. I appreciate you are rather busy dear Universe, however as my request was not met correctly the last time, I feel a super quick delivery should right any wrongs that have been previously made and forfeit any ill feeling on my part. And if all else fails, can I please have some new batteries? Love Always, Louise XOXO ![]() Patsy and Eddie have done it again. Yes dear 5 readers of mine, after declaring that we would give our livers a rest this week, we decided that it was a ridiculous decision to make whilst still sober, so we popped open a beer and it was good night Vienna. How did we arrive at this sorrowful decision in the first place? Well, let me explain: The start of the week was quite a nice one. I did indeed go to the dentist's house and I did indeed have a jolly good night. The dentist is a bit like me, odd. I think thats why I like him. He is funny in a not so obvious way and he likes to get drunk. Good combination right? We didnt have a film date as previously mentioned, more of a beer and raki date. Its fair to say that we were both pretty intoxicated as when he got his guitar out, I quite happily sung along to Jumpin' Jack Flash at the top of my voice whilst hopping up and down in the middle of his lounge over and over and over again. Apparently there was snogging but as I dont recall that, does it mean it doesnt count? Anyway, he told me that I had gone to the loo and when I didnt come back, he came to check on me to find me fast asleep on his bathroom floor. Such a classy date eh? It was a hilariously funny night from start to finish (from what I remember) and a good statement to make here is I think I like my new friend. Wednesday didnt go well at all. Apart from the hangover from hell taking up most of my day, there was a crap load of work demanding my attention. The hangover followed me around for the entire day to the point of ridiculousness, so I took my self pitying butt up to bed early for a change. Joanne the minger decided to take her butt out for lots of vodka. Good minger. Thursday was brighter. I did make a slight cock up though. I received a text message from the MOT people saying that I was overdue for my MOT. As I hate going to these places alone, I talked Joanne the minger and her hangover into come with me. When we got there, I mentioned in passing that I hadnt even checked to see if the MOT was for Kastro (the car) or Betty (the scooter). Now please bear in mind here that being somewhat a spaz is not an illness yet it is contagious. I got the text message out and checked it properly. Off course it was for the dam scooter which had been so rudely stolen about 2 months ago. Duh... So nothing else for it but to go back to Joanne the mingers for a cuppa and a fag before heading back to work. The dentist was chatting away online and kind of invited himself over. I cant say that I was unhappy about that as even though he is a dentist, he is a funny one. We managed to drink again, laugh again and had me telling all my well kept secrets again. Why is it that when slightly intoxicated, I cant seem to keep my trap shut? And this time I do remember the snogging :) Another good night was had. This brought us up to Friday when me and Joanne the minger decided we were not going out this weekend and to stay off the pop. I went down to the beach to see Joanne and Maxine to find them on the Shandy's. This prompted me into ordering a shandy and thats where things may have started to go wrong. I only stayed for the one shandy but it gave me the taste for it again. When I got home, somehow me and Joanne the minger talked each other into going out. Again. It doesnt take much talking into in all fairness. We are both pretty weak when it comes to going out. So go out we did. We hit Cheers and stayed in Cheers all night. We only managed to fall out once that night, but when we do fall out, there is a bit of shouting, then screaming, then comes the hugging and the 'But I do really love you my minger'. Pretty normal for us mingers. The vodka in that sodding Cheers must be the cheap crap as I woke up on the floor half in and half out of the kitchen fully clothed once again with my handbag still on my shoulder. I had one of my shoes still on, but to this day I have not been able to locate the other, it is not in this house thats for sure... After peeling the top lid from the bottom, Joanne the minger called leting me know she was still a bit tipsy. I was too actually and it wasnt good. Food was needed immediately. After throwing on some clothes I went to get in the car to fetch the minger but no sodding car in sight. I hate it when that happens as I am not a fan of public transport at all. Anyway, as luck was on my side, whilst walking down the road in the general direction of the dolmus stop, there were 2 blokes on a scooter heading toward me. One hopped off and asked that if I was heading into town his friend would give me a life. So I jumped on the back and away we went to the mingers house. You have got to love the randomness of complete strangers in this country. After nearly coughing up a lung whilst Joanne the minger and Kelsey the minglet were in fits of laughter, we needed to go and locate Kastro who was found near Cheers. Then it was time to feed the hangover, and then came the bloody shandy's. The shandy's turned into beers and we ended up back at Joanne the mingers house on the balcony playing with the dog whilst trying not to stalk people on facebook. And, as always, I decided it was the best idea ever to text the ex and say hi. The bugger answered immediately and suggested a few drinks. Being rather intoxicated I thought what a good idea. Well, we laughed at least. His hair has gotten a bit gimp like, I dont fancy him at all anymore and I think I have got the stage where I can officially say I am over it and maybe we can be at least friends now. It could never ever be anything more than that as I just couldnt forgive him for going out with my ex friend, but I wont be forgiving her either so no problem there. But, like previously mentioned, we did laugh... And now I find myself still alive on Sunday. I dont know how I am still alive but I wont be drinking again anytime soon and thats a promise. My hangover has not been a beast but it is present enough for me to say that I dont want to see it again for some time. Joanne the minger has informed me that she didnt go to bed last night and as I couldnt be arsed to leave the house yet today, I have none of the ever so intriguing updates as yet. I dont think my impending doom will be too severe tonight as I am going out for a big fat curry and catch up with Jacki. Then I am putting myself on a sodding diet as I have eaten and drank far too much over the last week and its about time that I was a bit nicer to my body. I may even take Gucci out for a little walk tomorrow as long as the doom does not rear its ugly head. Yes, I have had a pretty good week so far and if this coming week is a good one I will need to bin my Adele tracks as she has not had to be played for a while :) ![]() The real life Patsy and Eddie have been out to play this week. Oh yes, haven't we just... As usual, the first part of the week wasnt that interesting. You know, the usual, just work work work... We did go out on Tuesday night but I dont remember too much about it apart from going home in a bit of a mood for some strange reason... I also seem to remember a random dentist chatting away to us. How odd as I usually hate dentists. Anyway, Im sure it was a good night, well, the photos show me having a laugh anyway! Wednesday was a bit of a right off, however I did manage to catch up with my good friend Jackie who I havent seen in ages! Once again we gassed for fun. We do that a lot... What did I do on Thursday? I seem to be having trouble remembering for some reason. All that wine must have fuddled my brain cells. I think I went to the beach with Joanne the minger, yes, thats what I did. In fact, Kelsey the minglet and her boyfriend Mehmet were also there. That was the extent of Thursday so I believe. Like I said, it was a bit boring at the start of the week. Friday I did not go out and party, that I was saving for Saturday, and when Saturday came, dear lord did we party! I did have a little to much minging wine in my house alone though like some sort of saddo. Seriously, I should have never started on the minging wine as I managed to facebook stalk and abuse my phone rather a lot. Oppps...? I thought I had instructed my brain to not do that anymore. Clearly my brain chose to ignore me again. What a pain. Anyhow, let me announce to the world that I actually got out of my pit and managed to watch the omnibus of Eastenders. Finally! Well done me I say! Then, I went out and bought a new top for the evenings shenanigans. I also bought a bottle of vodka for the very same reason. Let me tell you about the vodka. It was cheap, nasty and messy. It was good. It had us leaving Joanne the migers house in a bit of a drunken mess. Always good. We hit Buddha bar apparently. None of us have any recollection of being in Buddha bar, entering or leaving. The dentist from earlier in the week tells me I stuck my fingers in his mouth, claimed he was a vampire and then told him to stay away from me and my friends as I knew what his game was. Outstanding behavior. He has not taken offence and seems to have found it rather funny, so no foul, no game, right? We ended up back at Joanne the mingers polishing off the last of the nasty (g)Nash vodka, until I took my sorry asse to bed. Alone. I may have also thrown someone out of my house that night, but I wont get into that one... Sunday was a bloody good day. I woke up alive which is always good, went and fetched Joanne the minger, did shandy's and food, then more shandy's, then back to Joanne's for even more shandy's. Helen (Joannes sister) arrived with Ela - Jean, the newest arrival of the minger clan. God that child has got some lungs, and for a single socialite I can honestly say that could have possibly put me off having one for life. Cute as Ela - Jean may be, I am not sure how a single socialite would handle a baby. As I had a date to keep with Kelly the minger, I made my excuses and left. Kelly was treating me to a big fat Taj Mahal for my birthday. Poor Kel, having me show up half cut... We had a great night non the less. Curry, Beer, good catch up session, what more can you ask for? Well, one could ask for more beer, and as I did ask for more beer, we went and met up with Joanne and Helen the mingers and had more beer. Yes, its fair to say Sunday was a rather good day and night. I may have disagreed with that statement when I woke up this morning after facebooking the world at 3am telling all that I am going to China then South Africa on my travels. That went down like a lead balloon with the Mother let me tell you. She sent me a rather toxic email, but she does this about most of my status updates anyway so I take these things with a pinch of salt. I think it could have been the bit stating that I was going to blow all of my life savings that really wound her up, but I could be wrong... Anyway, who knows what I will do, but I need myself a little look at the big wide world. Now we are on the night that the labyrinth of impending doom usually pays me a little visit, Monday. But it hasnt funnily enough. The reason for this is possibly after I finished work I went and hung out with the mingers, or it could be that as I have been blogging away here, I have also been chatting online with the vampire dentist who has just asked me out on a film date for tomorrow night. Interesting.com So, what more can I say about my week? Not much really, but I have a feeling that (g)Nash vodka will be coming out to play once again rather soon. We did have fun after all... It looks like Adele aint coming to visit this week either, well, not yet anyway. |
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